Last night I came across a most disturbing story called "The liberal baby bust." Take a gander at it here.

The gist is that we liberals aren't procreating much, and meanwhile the conservatives are churning out babies like mad. Obvious result: they already outnumber us, and it's just going to get worse. Or as the article puts it:

It's a pattern found throughout the world, and it augers a far more conservative future - one in which patriarchy and other traditional values make a comeback, if only by default. Childlessness and small families are increasingly the norm today among progressive secularists. As a consequence, an increasing share of all children born into the world are descended from a share of the population whose conservative values have led them to raise large families.

Needless to say, YIKES!

There's only one way to fight this: we liberals need to start breeding like rabbits. We'll have progressive babies here, there, everywhere, flooding the communities in droves. It'll be like that 17-year locust infestation, except it'll be hoards of infants toting donkey stuffed animals instead. We'll stock up on fertility drugs so we can have six or eight babies at once, like those wacky McCaughey sextuplets in Iowa or wherever, because hell, it's a lot more efficient to have a litter than to have them one at a time. We'll send them to liberal schools, summer camps, and after-school programs to make sure they get indoctrinated early, and that none of them defect to the Other Side. When they get a little older, we'll make sure they drink lattes, drive European cars and subscribe to The New Yorker --just to solidify those liberal stereotypes and piss off the conservatives. Okay, that last part might be unnecessary, but it would be fun nonetheless.

We've got a long way to go if we're going to catch up in the offspring competition, especially because those people in Utah and Wyoming are fierce competitors (particularly those evangelical home-schoolers, who tend to have like sixteen kids; how can we compete with that?). But you know what they say about eating an elephant sandwich: you do it one bite at a time.

I, for one, am doing my part. I'm thirteen weeks pregnant, and am due in September. Yes, I'm serious. (Some of you may have noticed that I have been sadly lacking an alcoholic beverage at recent YDA events.) So for anyone who is keeping track, in six months, we'll have one more liberal in our camp. Sure, it'll be eighteen years before he or she can vote, but hey, it's a start.

There is one other benefit to this "flood the country with liberal babies" plan. As I become fatter and fatter, and my ankles start to swell, and I get leg spasms and backaches, I'll have more liberal friends with buns in the oven to commiserate with. Talk about killing two birds with one stone!